When You’re Feeling Indecisive

He – or she – proposed, and you answered in the affirmative. Congratulations! Now’s the time to bask in the romance, and enjoy the first phase of your new life together. But soon, you’ll need a response for that timeless question: “when’s the wedding?” 

For some couples, it's easy – they know just when they want to tie the knot. For others, it's less clear. After all, you have a lot of options. Even more than you might think, since it's really not necessary to get married on a Saturday. Friday and Sunday afternoons are good choices too, and less expensive. 

So if you're looking at the calendar ahead and seeing a hundred alternatives, all about equally attractive, here's how to narrow them down. 

Must-have venues 

No matter how flexible you are, there's bound to be things you won't compromise on. Maybe it's a particular church, temple and officiant for your ceremony. Maybe it's a special venue for your reception. And there are certain indispensable guests, like your parents. 

Luckily for you, putting just these three things together is bound to reduce your choices. Once you call on the church/temple, ceremony venue or reception hall, you'll probably find many dates already filled, especially if you call less than nine months in advance. Good. That makes things easier! 

Must-have ambiance 

But maybe you don't have a must-have venue. Maybe you just have an image in your mind of the perfect wedding. Maybe it involves falling snow, ermine mantles, a horse-drawn carriage, and a crackling fireplace. Maybe it involves stacks of shiny apples, heaped pumpkins, a scattering of leaves and the scent of cranberry-apple cider. Or delicate pastels, gossamer pashminas for the bridesmaids, and a dove release. In this case your time of year is set: all that's needed it to work out the logistics of venue, local climate and the availability of your most important guests. 

Must-have flowers 

Some people know exactly what floral arrangements they want at their wedding. Flowers are such an enormous part of the wedding budget, if particular ones are important to you, you might want to arrange your date around them. Unless you're an heiress, for example, you'll want to avoid buying roses for your Valentine's Day wedding. On the other hand, December and January are great months to buy calla lilies. To study flower availability charts, Google for "flower availability by month." 

Must-have honeymoons 

If you have your heart set on a certain destination, you'll probably find the honeymoon helps set the date for you. Chances are, some dates are good for travel but others involve the risk of hurricanes or lengthy rains. 

Limited budget 

For now, winter is the slow wedding season. So it's often (though not always) true that you can get a break on expenses by having your ceremony during the holidays. Brides often find that by marrying near Christmas, they benefit from already-decorated churches and don't need to add much themselves. Plus, if they shop the year before, they can stock up on decorations at incredibly discounted post-holiday sales. The trick is to avoid competing with office parties for reception venues and limousines (New Year's Eve is particularly competitive). 

Another factor to consider, besides the possibility of dismal weather, is how many guests are due from out-of-town. Flying in for a holiday wedding can strain any family's Christmas budget, plus airlines often charge extra during the season. 

If you need to keep expenses in check but want to avoid winter, make sure you steer clear of proms, graduation, "parents' day" at colleges, major sporting events and other local events. 

"Life" dates 

You might find your own life gives more guidance than you think. Are you a teacher, with set vacation times? Are you graduating from college or ending an internship? Are many of your relations students, available only during the holidays or the summer? If you're working, is your vacation time limited to a certain time of year? If many guests are flying in, will Labor Day weekend or Memorial Day weekend give them time to get acclimated and enjoy your big day? If none of these apply, is there a date that has special significance to you as a couple, such as the date you first met or first dated? 

"Auspicious" dates 

Many people find little extra jolt of comfort in picking auspicious days for their wedding. In India and China, this is standard practice. But even in the West, people often find it reassuring to pick numbers or dates with personal meaning. A Chinese custom is to select a date with as many even numbers as possible (such as 2-18-2006). The Irish believed that New Year's Eve is luckiest for weddings. The Romans (and consequently, modern westerners) favored the month of June. For Victorians, it was lucky to marry on the groom's birthday.

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Autistic Children and the Strain on Marriage

Unfortunately, in modern times, many marriages end in divorce or separation. This statistic rises even higher when you mix in an autistic child. No matter how loving and understanding you both may be towards your child, the truth is that autism is a very difficult matter, and strain on the marriage is not uncommon. By trying to stay positive about your situation, and by working to keep your marriage healthy, you and your spouse can avoid marital problems and hopefully survive the trying times of raising an autistic child.

Why did you marry your husband or wife? By asking yourself this question often, you can focus on the good things in your marriage. Raising a child with autism is stressful, and if you are stressed, you have a tendency to snap at another person for the smallest missteps. Instead of focusing on these bad qualities, take some time to enjoy one another the way you did at the beginning of the relationship. This may include spending some time apart from your children. When you find out that your child is autistic, it is beneficial to make sure that you and your spouse are not the only two people with whom your child will respond. A grandparent, aunt or uncle, mature sibling, or nanny are good people to have in your child's life in the most intimate way possible. This way, alone time with your spouse is possible.

Work together with your spouse to help you child, instead of fighting with one another. It is very likely that you will have different ideas about what to do in certain situations, so be prepared to compromise and always seek professional consultations before making any medical decisions for your child. By working together, remember that you are giving your child the best opportunities. Try to set apart time every week to spend together as a family, especially if one parent or the other is the primary caregiver.

Lastly, seek help when you need it. Part of any successful marriage is spending some time apart to focus on individual needs, and it is no different when you have an autistic child. However, if you find that you and your spouse are not happy unless you are spending time alone, it is time to reevaluate the situation. A family or marriage counselor can help you and your spouse get back on the right track to a happy life together. It might also be beneficial to meet other couples raising autistic children. You are not alone, and it is never easy. By making an effort to keep your marriage happy, even when you are stressed with the task of raising an autistic child, you and your spouse can ensure that your marriage does not end in a messy divorce.

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For Second Weddings Only - Eight Useful Tips

Wedding Planning? Prevent favorite guests comparing your second wedding, to the first. It isn't tricky but it may take some thought. Whether guests will or will not compare weddings is likely to be determined by the bride’s status. 

Yes, it may be hypocritical, but for wedding planning; if it is the bride’s first wedding, she often can have as elaborate a wedding as she pleases. She can use all the traditional clothes and customs because it just doesn’t matter that it is the groom’s second wedding.

But if it is the bride’s second wedding you are planning, there are limitations in the minds of many guests. These things should be known and they can be dealt with in a constructive, reliable way. 

Here are eight useful tips.. 

To start let’s make a guest list. Go get your essentials first. You know, pencil, paper and a "cuppa tea". Put your head together and give this some focused thought. Prepare to visualize the ceremony. 

Hang out the "Do Not Disturb …unless you have cash" sign. Now you're ready.. 

1. Pare down the guest list to the ceremony itself. This list must include members of the families and very close friends of the couple. That pretty much means parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, godparents and just your closest friends. 

2. The bride should avoid the full length gown and veil. Wear a bridal gown that is quite formal, of course, and three quarters length or even street length but no veil. The Bridal Bouquet is always appropriate. 

3. Everyone has a wedding cake. That is always proper for second weddings. However, throwing the bouquet, wearing the garter and throwing rice aren’t. 

4. The reception can be as elaborate, exuberant and even wild as you wish. It makes no difference who is getting married for the second time. 

5. Do not invite socially sensitive guests such as former in-laws and former spouses. If the children are at the wedding you can invite the grandparents. But that leads us to another point. 

6. Get the former spouse’s approval before you invite the children and let the children decide how they feel about attending the wedding. 

7. They can participate too. It makes them feel wanted and needed. Children age 7 or 8 can be in charge of the guestbook or pass the cake, while older children, say 13 or 14 can be an attendant if they are fully aware of the significance of the occasion. 

8. Realize, some guests being invited to a second wedding gave generous gifts at the time of the first wedding. Some of these people may or may not be attending this time, for whatever the reason. But they may still send a small gift and a note. This serves mainly as a symbol that they approve, for which you can be grateful. It certainly deserves a thank you note. 

In summary: You will think of more ways to address this potential wedding planning problem. But these tips can be relied upon to work and to point you in the direction you most want. So, don’t discard them too quickly. 

To close: May you have a very happy Wedding Day. You know, the memory will last your lifetime.

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